Uticopa Blog

Someone once said that the way to differentiate between great sadness and depression is that sadness relates to ‘real’ events, whereby depression is an overwhelming pressure pushing down on the top of your head. There is no doubt, however, that identifying depression in a loved one can be challenging because your loved one may not even be willing to acknowledge his or her symptoms of depression. It's important to recognise the early warning signs because this can lead to earlier diagnosis and treatment, with a greater chance of success. Once a person has sunk into a deep depression, suicidal thoughts may be more evident and it can be a lot harder effectively to treat the depression.

What changes should we look out for?

Some changes can be subtle but others will more clearly indicate your loved one has depression. Energy levels are a good indicator. These can change markedly when depression is present. Your loved one may be highly excitable and restless or may be quiet and sluggish.

Moods can change quickly, with a 'high' mood of happiness and energy one minute, followed by a sudden change to a 'low' mood of misery and hopelessness.

Negativity. Your loved one may also feel extremely negative about his or her appearance and general worth as a person. It can seem confusing to you when you see a capable and intelligent person in front of you, but the sufferer sees him/herself as useless and unaccomplished. Some of the other symptoms of depression you may initially notice are:
• Excessive crying
• Restlessness
• Sensitivity to any comments
• Eating more or less than usual
• Abuse of drugs or alcohol
• Lack of motivation to do activities that were once pleasurable
• Easily distracted
• Withdrawal from people
• Easily irritated, angry or resentful

How can I talk to the sufferer about such a sensitive subject?

You can try to gently bring up the subject of depression with your loved one. They may, however vehemently deny that they are feeling depressed at all and may in fact, put on a falsely happy mood. Your loved one may even strongly deny the symptoms, and cite various other sources as being responsible for the stress. Despite being unhappy, they may put on a ‘front’ and try to prove that things are fine, when this is clearly far from the case. The truth is they probably feel ashamed about their depression, so it would be very helpful for you to reassure them that there is medical help available.

What would be really useful is for you to encourage and reinforce any positive behaviour and qualities in your loved one. Let him or her know how much you value them and point out the wonderful qualities that you see in them. You may also wish to ask directly how you can help. Your loved one may well need to hear that you are willing to offer support; he or she may also feel more at ease seeing a therapist if you are there to accompany them during the visit. Above all, you should acknowledge their feelings and be compassionate and reflective about what they are going through. Depression isn't simply a fleeting sadness about a single event, so it would help to let your loved one know that you recognise the severity of the situation.

Because the symptoms of depression can be subtle, it may be that your loved one isn't depressed at all but simply suffering from having to deal with one particular rough patch in his or her life. If this subsequently turns out to be the case, you may find yourself feeling guilty about having broached the subject in the first place. Don’t be!  Your loved one will surely appreciate your care and interest in how he or she has been feeling.

Guilt in yourself

If a diagnosis of depression is definitely confirmed in your loved one, you may feel guilt and ask yourself: 'Is there something I could have done earlier?' It's always difficult to deal with the need to protect a loved one and to wonder 'How could this have happened?' You are not, however, responsible for the depression your loved one is experiencing. Depression is complex and although it can result from a prolonged reaction to an event, such as bereavement, it normally results from a mingling of various factors in an individual's life. You are not to blame for your loved one's depression and your concern and care will be invaluable in encouraging proper treatment and diagnosis.

Helping both of you

Depression keeps your loved ones from enjoying life to the fullest and they are really fortunate to have a person like you who cares about their well-being. When a loved friend or family member suffers from depression, you can provide support and warmth but don't forget that a loved one's depression can take its toll on you as well. If you find you are having trouble handling your worry and distress over a loved one's behaviour and feelings, then consider joining a support group or talking to a friend or mental health therapist. It's important to remember that while you're providing care and support for your loved one, don’t stop caring for yourself.