Uticopa Blog

As the recession deepens, many couples are struggling - financially, in their relationships and in their own inner mental states. 

A typical scenario

Where once the joint monthly income was easily enough to cover outgoings, now that one partner has lost their job, their very financial credibility is at stake.  Their arguments become ever more rancorous over how to spend their limited resources; they criticize and blame each other for their current financial woes and then retreat from each other in silence or anger.

Why are we arguing more? 

With less money, more is at stake. Different attitudes towards money matter less when there is more income than expenditure:  if your partner overspends, for example, the consequences are manageable. But when financial security crumbles, differences become more threatening. In hard times, when you want to control things as best you can, it becomes infuriating if your partner won't behave according to your standards.

As couples worry more about the future, coupled with economic and job uncertainty, anxiety and depression rise whilst their previous self-esteem zooms right down. When your mood is low and you feel as if you're banging your head against a brick wall, you are more likely to withdraw and have a short fuse with your partner.

Yet more problems

As stress increases, sex decreases. Less sex can exacerbate tension already present in the relationship due to the recession, making sex even less likely. As a result, distance and unhappiness snowball.

What to do about your relationship?

• Communicate. Good communication always involves clarity, honesty and openness. Follow these tips and you'll be on the road to a happier relationship.
• Don't assume things. This only leads to misunderstandings and arguments. Just because you want something doesn't mean your partner or spouse knows what that is. Don't expect him to be a mind reader.
• Distinguish between what is said vs what is heard.  A seemingly positive comment by one person can be interpreted by the other as a veiled criticism, which almost always leads to an argument. Take the other person's words as they are. And if there's something you want or need, for example more regular praise, let your spouse know.
• Stop being so defensive. It's our natural response to become defensive when we feel attacked or blamed by our partner. But as long as the criticism is constructive - and done in a polite and respectful manner - resist the urge to defend your position. Defensiveness is sometimes rooted in wanting to be ‘right' during an argument and proving our spouse ‘wrong'. When this happens, our stubbornness takes over and all we care about is ‘winning' the argument.
• Instead focus on what your partner is saying and how her suggestions might make you a better person. It's OK to allow someone to influence us in a positive way; that's how we grow and change.

What to do about the recession?

What is clear in these difficult economic times is that there's absolutely no point in laying blame.  There's even less point in trying to lay the blame on some anonymous person in the big financial world who allegedly started this global crisis in the first place.  For most couples with a financial problem, it is here now and must be dealt with now.

Each couple must put their ‘own house in order'.  Have no secrets from each other and discuss absolutely everything.  It's only when you put both your heads together that a financial solution can be found, how ever difficult it may be. Only after all that has been sorted out, can couples can get back to re-building the foundations of their relationship.

Don't let this crisis become even worse

Above all, follow all the points ticked above. That way, you can avoid the current financial crisis snowballing from anxiety to depression to even thoughts of suicide. And if you need a little extra help?  Contact a mental health therapist via this site, who will be pleased to help.