Uticopa Blog

No-one can really understand how difficult it is to move into our British culture until we listen to those who have tried it.  Sometimes life can be so overwhelming that mental health issues can crop up where there were none before - even in the relatively young.

Read the following story and let us know if it ‘rings any bells' with you. Have you experienced anything similar in your life?

Anawara, 39, a British Asian, has had periods of feeling sad and tired throughout her life but until recently was too ashamed to talk about it. 

"My family came to England from Bangladesh when I was four. I found leaving our home behind quite traumatic, and then a year after we arrived here, my father died. It was difficult, losing him on top of everything else.

"I was the only girl and I had to grow up quickly as pressure was put on me to help out at home and take care of my brothers. As I grew up I often felt sad and I used to cry sometimes, and had times where I got tired and couldn't work.

"In some Asian families there are rigid rules about what can and can't be discussed and intimate things aren't mentioned so I never spoke to anyone about how I felt or what it was like growing up. I just pushed the sadness down within myself. It's quite a strict culture and people are afraid of talking to someone from their own community in case private information gets back to your family - it can even affect your chances of getting married.

"Once I saw an older Asian GP and I found it uncomfortable. I felt I couldn't open up because in Asian culture you have to respect your elders.

"I got married to an English guy but I still didn't talk about it. But, like holding a ball underwater, there's only so long you can keep your feelings hidden and by last summer, aged 38, I was suffering from what I now know to be depression. I was very tired, sad and weepy and couldn't work.

"In the end I went to see my GP because I felt I needed to talk through what was going on. My GP was able to refer me to an Asian psychologist for cognitive behavioural therapy and psychodynamic therapy, which involved talking through my problems and finding ways to tackle them.

"At first I was anxious, wondering how therapy would go. But I had a very good rapport with my therapist. It was good for me to be referred to somebody of the same ethnic background because she could understand where I was coming from. There were lots of things, which she, as an Asian woman, could relate to. I didn't have to explain all the cultural stuff to her. For instance, she understood the Asian family structure and how common it is for young Asian women to have to look after everybody else, as I had to.

"I saw my therapist for 50 minutes every week or two, over 10 months, and she has helped me a lot. I've started building my own life and learned not to get so bogged down with the pressures of having to look after everybody else.

"I've been discharged now, but I still go for follow-up sessions to see how I'm doing. I know the service is there for me if I need it again: all I have to do is contact them if I have a crisis or need a session. It has been great to have support from someone I identify with.

"I've seen things change since I was younger and now there are services for people when they feel ready to get help." 
 
If you want help, see your GP. They will be able to refer you for confidential counselling, or a mental health therapist with a specialist understanding of cultural issues. You can also use Uticopa Find a Therapist tool to find a specialist near you.