Uticopa Forums

I am already dreading the fast approaching Christmas season. It is such a pity, Christmas should be the time of calm and reflection, so why is it none of these for me? There are 6 different Christmas lunches in the office (every department has their own), that is on top of the Office party! When you think about how many presents one needs to get - going out for extravagant lunches with people that you barely know and are not that interested in, seem so unnecessary! But how can I boycott all these invitations!?

Then there is the Christmas shopping - the stress of getting into a larger dept so you can give people something they don't need... or overfill the houses of friends with toys for their children that are going to take more space and irritate them with horrendous noise they make...

Then there is the logistics of the family visits and endless commute from in-laws to parents, visiting aunts and uncles.... already bracing self for a long week of overeating and polite conversations.

Of all the things that cause stress and anxiety - for me, Christmas is up there! Has anyone else been able to say 'No!' to all this madness? I really feel I should be a lot more assertive and not give in to this mayhem of compromises... but how?

I know what you mean. December is almost here and I haven’t even been able to get my head around the whole Christmas thing.

While reading your post it reminded me of something, when I was working with a life coach last year on my career dilemma, we have used an NLP technique (I don’t remember what it was called) that basically made me imagine the ideal, dream-like scenario for my situation.

I had to be extremely specific – I had to describe everything from how the day was structured to, what I did, how I felt, who I talked to what they did – basically I had to make it very real. Then I had to step out and think what can I do to make it happen and we discussed possible options for achieving that dream scenario. Not only it made it possible in my head, but I was able to follow it through and actually now have a job that pretty much fits the scenario I was describing!

I wonder if you can try this exercise with your ideal Christmas scenario? I think I might do this too – I always get very stressed by having to do things through Christmas that I don’t necessarily want to do!

You might find that if you do say no to some of these things, you won't get the reaction you were expecting. Everybody gets overwhelmed at Christmas, and you'll probably get more sympathy than you bargained for. And if people don't understand, well really that's their problem and not yours.

Know how you feel! Christmas is no time for introverts!
I struggle with it. I'm working up to saying what a client of mine said " No. I don't do work do's!"
I also have a theory that introverts tend to be bullied by extroverts. We feel pushed into being party animals or feeling like we're party-poopers.
Joebythesea

I think that being able to say 'no' to things that you really don't want to do can make a huge difference to how you feel but I find it quite difficult to judge where someone's strong-will towards something is them ‘being assertive’ or it is their ‘unwillingness to compromise’ and whether I should respect their inner strength or criticise their stubbornness?