Uticopa Blog

Someone once said that the therapist's job is to put himself out of work! It's probably true of all the caring professions:  the better you are, the more self-sufficient your patient, thereby lessening the need for further treatment.

One example is the role of family therapists. Newcomers to the whole process of therapy sometimes expect the therapist to take on the role of ‘mother hen'.  It is often a subconscious desire on the part of people with deprived childhood experiences to search for someone to take on this role.  However, it is not the therapist's job to replace or restore one's parents; rather, it is to provide a non-judgemental, encouraging and safe environment alongside the modelling of good parenting techniques.  If the therapist actually took on a ‘mothering' role, she would effectively be negating the ability of the client to be self-sufficient.  That would go against everyone's wishes.  Clients need to become more confident in their own abilities, not dependent on the therapist's nurturing skills.

I now realise I need help, but how do I choose the right therapist?
Experience has proven time and time again that what is important is the relationship between the client and therapist, and the therapist's skills, knowledge and experience with your individual complaint.  There is absolutely no point in reaching for your local Yellow Pages.  There are 3 main avenues you can try:

Your GP
Your GP, knowing your full health background, is in a good position to help you determine which type of therapist would be best for you.

Friends or Family / Recommendation
Maybe there are members of your family or friends who are willing to talk about their own experiences with therapy.  There is nothing like ‘word of mouth' to give you a realistic picture of what's good or what definitely to avoid.  It is true that many people may feel awkward about talking about their own mental health issues, but nevertheless this would give valuable witting testimony to what is out there.

Professional Mental Health Referral Services
Uticopa was especially set-up to find experienced therapists who specialise in a wide range of therapy methods, people who are specially trained to work with any mental health problem. Whilst there are undoubtedly other therapeutic services listings elsewhere on the internet, Uticopa is specifically designed to perform a much more individual search, tailor-made to help you find a therapist to suit you. Find a Therapist facility on this site allows you to search by male / female therapist, by your problem, type of session you want (telephone, face-to-face or online), by geographical location, language, therapy method and much more. You can also contact therapist through the secure messaging system.

But what if I don't like my therapist?
Don't worry. It is recognised that you're not always going to get along with your psychotherapist. In fact, it is often a symptom of the whole process of getting well that you will, by degrees, like or dislike your therapist. Sometimes it is caused by the stress you, or even your therapist, may be experiencing, or the difficult actualities of what you are going through in your life. But rest assured:  these changing feelings towards your therapist are an entirely normal part of the therapeutic process. There is a problem, however, when a sufferer is particularly introverted and cannot, or does not know how to, express their feelings about whether they've chosen the right therapist for them. This, in turn, can generate its own stress. It certainly takes a good deal of courage to say outright that you wish to end your relationship with your therapist, especially when the therapist herself suggests that you ‘work on' your dislike of them in future sessions.

The key is to recognise whether your dislike is due to a current minor disagreement or fundamentally a more serious issue that is conflicting with how your treatment is progressing. After the first few sessions, ask yourself:  do I want to work with this therapist? If the answer is no, it may be realistic to find someone else.  Simply ask your therapist to refer you to a colleague and that you won't be returning to them. Most will respond entirely professionally, but will probably ask your reasons.  If you don't wish to respond, or find difficulty in doing so, just say that you prefer not to say.  Alternatively, you can tell your therapist that you wish to leave, and then consult the extensive Uticopa therapy network to find another. Importantly, finding that one particular therapy experience hasn't worked so far is not sufficient reason to write it off completely as a solution to your difficulties. An understanding of the different therapeutic schools, techniques and methods is an essential requirement for finding the right therapist for you and to getting your life back on track.

Remember: as the government has found to its cost, creating a ‘nanny state' does not help an individual to help himself. A good therapist will act as a guide, a support and a person who will challenge you when you know you're ready to be challenged. That is the sort of person you should be seeking.