Posted by: Uticopa in worrying, anxiety on
Feb 03, 2009
When we reach that point in life when the middle years have passed, would we have done things differently if we had somehow gained the wisdom that comes from learning from our own mistakes?
They say that education is wasted on the young. When we are adolescent, suffused by swirling hormones and an intolerable need to impress our peers, how can we concentrate on learning those school subjects that will be so essential to our future life? How to show due diligence at schoolwork when the very act of striving for perfection brings a swathe of disdain and criticism from the very peers we so want to impress? We listen to school friends who say ‘why do I need to learn French? I'll never need that - I want to be a train-driver'.
The very fact of being a child, by definition, means that you can't possibly know or envisage a future, mature, life where unforeseen opportunities abound and hitherto undreamed of possibilities may require you to use those very skills that you disparaged so long ago.
How many of us recognise this scenario: your partner comes home from work, makes a beeline for the drinks cabinet and then sulks off silently. You haven't had a real conversation for weeks. Lately there have been more and more arguments over money or late nights out, especially since you lost your job a few months ago, but no heart-to-hearts. Sex? What's that?
2008 was definitely a bad year, but for many couples this year has started out even worse. There seems to be no end in sight over the economy, and thousands of working people have suffered or seriously fear redundancy, with all the attendant misery and mental anguish that causes. Your relationship is on the rocks, and you both know it. But you aren't sure how to fix things - or if you really want to.
Of course, money isn't the only harbinger of doom. Illness, infidelity, sex, anger, communication problems - all can contribute to distress in marriage or other relationships. You may well be the sort of person who would rather beat yourself about the head rather than contemplate marriage counselling, thinking that that kind of thing is for other people. However, if the above scenario rings true at all, this may well be the right course of action for you. Sometimes we can be too close to a situation to think clearly, especially when it relates to something as personal as a relationship. That's where a counsellor trained in marriage counselling comes in.
Posted by: Uticopa in Aspergers on
Feb 01, 2009
Alan, 36, is a software programmer who met and fell in love with his girlfriend Lisa via an internet matchmaking site. They emailed for a few months before meeting face to face on their first date. At first Lisa was surprised that he didn't seem that interested and, at the end of the night, he kissed her on the cheek and asked to see her again. However, the more she saw of him, the more she relished his offbeat, quirky company. Also, she really appreciated his old-fashioned manner of holding doors open for her and happily carrying her parcels for her when they were out shopping.
It seemed like a match made in heaven. Alan was always courteous, polite and attentive and Lisa was a happy-go-lucky kind of girl, adoring and loving. However, it soon became apparent that something was not quite right. He didn't seem to care what anyone else thought of him. When he did take an interest in something, it would border on the obsessive.
It was after five months of their relationship that Lisa's feelings had deepened, but that was when everything started falling apart. As she craved more from their relationship, Alan seemed less and less willing or able to provide it. In turn, this made Lisa become more and more clingy and oversensitive as Alan showed all the feelings of disinterest. They started to argue, finally agreeing to split up. But, although in some ways Lisa was relieved at having to cope with his sometimes incomprehensibly insensitive behaviour, she missed him terribly.
